‘I’d rather throw it at my in-laws than eat it’: The Telegraph’s annual Christmas cake taste test
Christmas is a time of joy, celebration, and indulgence. But not all festive treats are created equal. Some are moist, rich, and bursting with flavour, while others are dry, bland, and taste like cardboard. To help you find the best Christmas cake for your table, we at The Telegraph have conducted our annual taste test of the most popular brands and varieties available in the UK. Here are our honest and unbiased opinions on each one.
Marks & Spencer Collection 6 Month Matured Golden Shimmer Tree Christmas Cake
Price: £20
Weight: 1.57kg
Rating: 4/5
This cake looks impressive with its golden shimmer and tree-shaped decoration. It has a nice aroma of brandy and spices, and a moist texture that crumbles nicely in the mouth. The fruit is plump and juicy, and the nuts add a crunchy contrast. The marzipan and icing are not too thick or sweet, and complement the cake well. The only downside is that the cake is a bit too rich for some, and may be too heavy after a big meal.
Tesco Finest 9 Month Matured Cherry Topped Christmas Cake
Price: £10
Weight: 907g
Rating: 3/5
This cake has a simple but elegant design, with a layer of cherries and almonds on top. It smells of rum and citrus, and has a dense but soft texture. The fruit is well distributed and soaked in alcohol, and the cherries add a nice burst of flavour. The marzipan and icing are smooth and not too overpowering. However, some may find the cake too boozy or sour, and the cherries too artificial.
Waitrose No.1 Richly Fruited Christmas Cake
Price: £16
Weight: 1.3kg
Rating: 2/5
This cake has a traditional look, with a holly and berry decoration on top. It has a faint smell of brandy and mixed spice, and a firm but crumbly texture. The fruit is dry and chewy, and the nuts are hard and bitter. The marzipan and icing are thick and sugary, and overpower the cake. Some may like the classic flavour and texture, but others may find it bland and boring.
Aldi Specially Selected Exquisite Vintage Pudding
Price: £9.99
Weight: 907g
Rating: 1/5
This cake is supposed to be a pudding, but it looks and tastes more like a brick. It has a dark and dull appearance, with no decoration or shine. It smells of vinegar and burnt sugar, and has a hard and dry texture. The fruit is shrivelled and sour, and the nuts are rancid and stale. The marzipan and icing are thin and brittle, and add nothing to the cake. Some may say this is a waste of money, but others may say it is a waste of calories.
Asda Extra Special 9 Month Matured Luxury Christmas Cake
Price: £9
Weight: 907g
Rating: 0/5
This cake is a disaster. It has a sloppy and messy look, with a cracked and uneven surface. It smells of mould and chemicals, and has a soggy and sticky texture. The fruit is rotten and mushy, and the nuts are mouldy and soft. The marzipan and icing are runny and bitter, and ruin the cake. Some may say this is a health hazard, but others may say it is a weapon of mass destruction.
So, there you have it. Our verdict on the best and worst Christmas cakes of the year. We hope you enjoyed reading our reviews, and we wish you a merry and tasty Christmas. And remember, if you don’t like the cake you get, you can always throw it at your in-laws.
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